Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Wedding Whack-A-Mole

I generally consider myself a competent person, a capable multi-tasker, an able manager of tasks. I am famously brilliant, unspeakably gorgeous, and ineffably glamorous. My wit dazzles, my cup of sparkles runneth over. My acres and acres of beautiful hair bounce and shine and flow about me wherever I go. One would think that with this constellation of blessings bestowed upon me, I might glide jauntily through life with nary a hiccup. And yet I am nearly defeated. This wedding-planning-hydra-headed nonsense might well kill me.

Now don't get me wrong - I am thrilled to be getting married. Beyond thrilled, actually. Transported. I am going to spend the rest of my life married to the best human being God ever put on the earth, and I occasionally pinch myself ferociously to make sure this isn't all just a lovely dream. So the wedding? Very much looking forward to that. The wedding planning, on the other hand... well.

Let's just say that now I understand why some people make this a full-time job. You take one question. As an example, let's take cake. Simple, no? No. Not simple at all, because for every question you answer, every conclusion you reach, 25 more pop up to take its place. You don't believe me? Watch.

Question 1: Do we want a wedding cake.
Answer 1: Yes.
Question 2: Or pie?
Question 3: What about cupcakes?

Question 4: How much does cake cost?
Answer: (75,000 phone calls and one dead faint later) Okay, so no cake.

Question 5: Now what?

[Insert four hours of internet research, 16 phone calls, 39 emails, 2 hours of recipe research, debilitating mental calculations, advanced maths, aimless puttering.]

Answer: Cupcakes. Genius!

Question 6: Who will make our cupcakes?
Question 7: What time can we meet the different bakers who want to make our cupcakes?
Question 8: What about this time? No.
Question 9: How about Tuesday? No.
Question 10: Something came up, can we reschedule?
Question 11: Are we still on for today?
Question 12: Have I answered all of the 47 emails in my inbox all asking about cupcakes?
Question 13: What flavor cupcakes do we want?
Question 14: Oh, some people feel really strongly about white cake? But I hate white cake. Now what.
Question 15: Oh, there are actually 92 different flavors of cupcake we could order?
Question 16: Which of the 92 flavors of cupcake do we really want to sample?
Question 17: Which of the 8 different flavors we sampled do we actually want to order?
Question 18: How do you feel about carrot cake? How do you feel about carrot cake?
Question 19: Buttercream or cream cheese icing?
Question 20: Do we still want to do a cake-cutting ceremony, because then we'd still need a cake.
Question 21: How much does a small cake for a cutting ceremony cost? (Gasp.)
Question 22: So I will make my own small cake?
Question 23: Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, or The Joy of Cooking?
Question 24: How much time will I have to bake a cake the day before our wedding?
Question 25: Oh, you have a friend who wants to bake our cake for us?
Question 26: Do you want to call her or should I?
Question 27: Did she call you back yet? How about now? Now? Yes?
Question 28: What flavor do we want the cutting cake to be?
Question 29: Do we have cake stands on which to put the cupcakes?
Question 30: Rent or buy? (Borrow!)
Question 31: Honey, the cupcake lady wants to know what color cupcake liners we want to use.
Question 32: Options? White, black, brown, pink, silver....

It's like playing gee-dee whack-a-mole. If anybody has a serious thought about what color liner to use, please tell me. I respond well to authoritarian dictates.


Jenna said...

Don't give in to the pressure to make things perfect, Cheasty! It'll kill you! :) You don't need matching cupcake liners or the perfect flavors to suit all tastes, pretty wedding themes or even wedding colors. Just pick a random color and flavor if you can't decide. Honestly, most people won't notice or remember anything except for how beautiful you two looked and how much fun they had. I know the planning sucks and some of it is certainly necessary, but the less you over-think some of these things, the better you'll feel when the decisions are made and off of your shoulders. You will have a lovely wedding no matter what! :)

Frank Irwin said...

The liner color depends on the color of your dress. Have you picked out a dress, yet?

Kate said...

I'll say it...shut up Frank.

Jenna is right, no one is going to care. And chances are, you aren't going to remember any of those little details on that special day. Really, you won't. The only thing that will remain in your memory from that day is how handsome looked at you.

You have to ask yourself--what is the goal of the day? To get married to the man you love, right? If the cupcake liners don't match or the flowers are wilted or you get a spot on your dress it matters not. All you need is for your fiance to show up along with a witness and the officiant (Your mom?)

H-SPO said...

What? No cake? I'm not coming.

Just kidding.

I love you.

Anonymous said...

What Jenna said..your loving Dad.

Cheasty said...

i love you all. wedding planning is fun, no matter how much i bitch and moan. i've decided to use silver cupcake liners, for those interested.

Renny said...

Man, I'm psyched for those cupcakes.

Good thing you also have home buying and a new job to keep you busy. It sounds like you're at loose ends.

Brown said...

Dearest Cheasty - try not to get too wrapped up in the minute details, that in the end, do not define you, or your marriage. Ultimately, your getting married to the Amazing Handsomepants; your friends and family will be there to witness and bask in your blessed union, and trust me, no one will care what color or flavor the cupcakes are. (okay, maybe a few, but you can't please everyone)

That being said, just make sure the fish isn't bad and the steak doesn't taste like and old shoe, and you're good to go!

what people will remember, is whether or not they had to pay for drinks!