Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Am a Mighty Thrower of Things, Question Mark.

Over the past few days I've had cause to go back and look through some of my old pictures. I'm putting things in frames and puttering about, and finding photos of me and Handsome to put in the previous post, and this journey down memory lane has really taught me a thing or two. First, it taught me that I've got to stop making ridiculous faces when people pull out a camera. I'm not doing myself any favors. Second, it taught me that almost everybody in the universe is 700 feet taller than I am. Third (a related point), I should never ever take a close up picture with somebody over 6 feet tall. It's just two heads, one at the top of the frame, one at the bottom. The tall person usually has the top of their hair cut off, and my chin is in most cases mysteriously vanished.

So I've learned some things, which is good. Also, I've solved a mystery of long standing. I am a relatively athletic, physically competent human being, so it has always been a point of befuddlement that I am a horrific hurler. I can't throw anything to save my life. No matter how hard I try, baseballs, footballs, paper airplanes, rocks... they all get somewhere between 10 and 25 feet and fall kerplunk to the ground.

Then I found this series of pictures, and a light went on over my head. Aha! I thought. A clue! You see, back in May when I went to my friend's wedding in North Carolina, some of us girls went on a hike down by the river. As an inevitable side effect of there being stones, and a river to throw them across, we began a contest to see who could throw them the farthest.

This is a picture of JM throwing. She won the competition. Notice the length, the extention, the sheer athleticism of her movement!

This is H-SPO throwing. She did not win the competition, but still distinguished herself with a mighty effort. See also, extension, concentration of expression, and use of lower arm as a catapult-like thingy.

This is Pony throwing. She came in second. Roger Clemens could take notes from this pitching dynamo.

And now, for the piêce de resistance, I humbly submit for your perusal, The World-Famous Amazing Cheastypants Throwing Technique.

So. Any further questions?


H-SPO said...

You forgot to mention the very calm look on my face. Ha.

Frank Irwin said...

You're obviously using the wrong hand, Cheasty.

gogodanae said...

I think you have the Dainty Wrist Syndrome, Cheasty. It typically occurs in those who have dainty wrists.

H-SPO said...

Oh, and the looks on everyone else's faces too. SHEESH.

Lauren said...

You all make a magnificent photo montage of Throwing Prowess. I love it! How come I didn't get to be in on this game? Oh, yeah... (P.S. - If you stop making funny faces in photos, you'll short us all of a bunch of laughs we have come to depend upon through our photo-face-record of the past decade. Just a thought.)

Anonymous said...

gotta open those hips, my dear....that's what she said! sorry, couldn't resist that: I was just in safeway and a guy had a shirt on that just said "your mom". so i'll blame it on that guy. no really, compare yours to the other photos....too square ~ kari

Cheasty said...

@HSPO, oh my god, I KNOW. Last night Han and I spent about 15 minutes just laughing at your face. At least, that's what I think he was laughing. Either your face or my... you know, that whole situation.

@Danae, yes, I think you're brilliant. My dainty wrists are indubitably the problem.

@Lauren, all right, but the next time I'm bugging out my eyes or giving myself a turtle face, know that I'll be doing it only for you.

@Kari, your mom.