I read a short story in The New Yorker once called "Thoughts on Radio Televese" in which the author purported to be commenting upon a new linguistic phenomenon in which radio and TV announcers have created their own language. A non-sensical, primordially dumb language, each announcer competes to see who can provide the most inane commentary on current events, politics, and sports. I don't know how to find it now, but if in the midst of Olympic coverage and the Republican and Democratic Conventions you find yourself gritting your teeth, pulling out your hair, or going cross-eyed from the vapid commentary, here's a few little nuggets to remind you that sometimes it's just damn funny.
Here are some of the funniest comments made by NBC Summer Olympics commentators that they would like to take back. Numbers 5 and 9 , in my humble opinion, are the best by far.
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?