One of my mother's favorite stories to tell about my childhood is about one sunny spring afternoon when Mom was trying to relax with a book in a lawnchair outside. Normally, as she tells it, I was really good at entertaining myself, coming up with imaginary games and playing with my sister. This one day, however, I was beside myself with energy, and wanted my mother's attention more than anything. So I stood by the side of her chair, and I'm sure I said things like, "Ya wanna play, Mom, do ya? Huh? Huh? How about now, Mom? Now? Now? Mom? Mom?" Except I wasn't really standing by the side of her chair, I was holding onto the arm and bouncing and jumping around like a jack-in-the-box. Finally Captain Mommypants couldn't help herself -- she started laughing, and asked me, "What is going on with you today?! Have you got ants in your pants?"
Apparently, I'd never heard this expression before, and took her quite literally. According to Mom, I looked absolutely shocked and horrified, and I instantly stopped bouncing around. I pulled out the elastic waistband of my shorts and took a cautious peek inside. Then I breathed a sigh of relief. "No, Mommy, I don't have ants in my pants." I told her.
Well, today, 25 years after the day in which I did not have actual ants in my pants, I can report that today, I think I do. It's election day back in the States, and I have never been so nervous or anxious about the outcome of a political contest in my life. I woke up repeatedly in the night just thinking about it, and at 5:30 AM I gave up the ghost when my eyes flew open and the first coherent thought in my head was, "It's election day." I'm completely on tenterhooks, and I need something to distract me. Somehow I don't think I'll be able to focus one lick at the archives, but I'll give it a try anyway because the alternative (obsessively checking the internet) does not bear consideration. I've never been able to sit still for long periods of time, but this is ridiculous. I'm eating breakfast while I type and I've jumped up and down 4 or 5 times already, just from nervous energy. At six o'clock this evening I'm meeting a friend to go watch election results, and I officially forbid myself from sneaking peeks before hand. I've sent in my vote, so there's nothing I can do by hovering nervously besides jinx the whole thing, so I'm banned. Officially, permanently banned from looking. Until tonight.