Hard to Write

I have been thinking about what kind of post I could write to talk a little more about Birdie, but in the interest of emotional health and stability, I think I need to wait a longer time. At this point it is still too painful. I will one day, when I feel more able, but that time is not now, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I'll be back in a day or two to tell you what else has been going on in my life. I'm managing to enjoy myself - I'm amazed at how easy it is to forget, to let go, and have fun, in spite of everything. It's just that every time I come home, she's not here, and my heart breaks all over again. I feel guilty for having enjoyed myself. And every time I open my blog, thinking about writing, this huge grief comes up and strangles the words right out of me. I know this gets easier, I know that with time I'll be able to talk and think and write about her without my throat aching and my stomach hurting and my eyes welling up with tears...

Just not yet.