For some reason, I, the Amazing Cheastypants, being glamorous, sophisticated, unspeakably gorgeous, and wildly talented, have inexplicably spent the vast majority of my 30 years on this planet as a single woman. In the course of these years I've spent a lot of time pondering the mysteries of meeting, dating, and marrying, and basically, I feel like I don't get it. What's more, I secretly suspect that I will never get it, and spend the rest of my life wondering what the heck I was supposed to do. But this summer I had something of an epiphany while hanging out with my high school sweetheart one afternoon.
This guy right here is a grown-up version of my high school sweetheart. *Hi, Smiley!* We're still good friends, and every time I get back home I call him up and we spend some time happily puttering around together. He's so much fun, and I always find myself wondering about those 'what ifs.' I mean, he's wonderful, funny, smart, energetic, charasmatic, and while this is probably the worst picture ever taken of him, he's really good-looking (inspite of those ridiculous lambchops and the faux-ferocious frown). So why is it that I inevitably end up feeling like 'what the f' just happened?
Well, my poppets, this is why. See that little leafy-fruity-looking thing Smiley is holding? I don't know what the heck it is, and neither does he. But while walking past that tree we both noticed it, and exclaimed simultaneously. You know what I said?
"Ooh, they look like little hearts!" (*chirp, chirp!*)
At the exact same moment, Smiley said, "Hey, those look like testicles!"