Monday, December 8, 2008

Happy Birthday, Cheastypants!

Oh, you're never going to believe it, world. I, Amazing Cheastypants, have been on this planet 31 years, as of right now. I know, I know, the years have just flown by. Lucky for me, I am ageless. Thus, while having accumulated the wisdom and experience of 31 years, you would never know it to look at me. I have absolutely no wrinkles, nary a gray hair, and a startling lack of sagging bits. I only wish all of you could be so lucky. Perhaps this Christmas that will be my gift to the world: Amazing Cheastypants's Anti-Aging Potion. Also remarkably good for healing bruises when applied topically, and from time to time has been known to turn spontaneously into gold dust, which of course explains why the air often shimmers magically when I walk by.

So yes. It is my birthday, and while I've spend many years trying to pretend birthdays weren't that big a deal, and oh-i-didn't-want-to-draw-attention-to-myself and so on and so forth, I have now decided that is nonsense. It is my birthday, and I give you all, friends, family, internet, two assignments, both of which I hope you will enjoy.

Assignment Number One: As many of you know, on my friends' and families' birthdays I like to make a big deal out of the person whose birthday it is. Well now it's my birthday, and despite what I'm sure is my rather outsized ego, I'm certainly not going to wax lyrical about myself on this of all days. Instead, my precious petunias, I ask you to do it for me. Let loose your inner poet, unleash your deepest Dickens. You'll have to do it anyway when we eventually get around to my funeral, but frankly I'd rather hear it today. Enthuse away, world, and wish me a happy birthday, either in the comments, or via email. Happy birthday, Cheastypants!

Assignment Number Two: Your second assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to spread the birthday love. Go find that person you greet daily with a peck on the cheek and give them an "I haven't seen you in two years" hug. Write a letter (on paper! imagine that!) to the sister that lives on the other side of the country, and tell them how much they mean to you, and why. Get in contact with that 12th grade teacher that made you imagine life in a new way, and tell them thank you. Sit your children down and tell them exactly why they are the most special people in the universe, and how they're going to set the world on fire. I don't know, get creative, have fun with it, but do it. It'll make that person's day, and you'll help me pay back some serious karmic debt I owe from last May.

Last spring when I was in the living hell of preparing for my comprehensive exams, I went to housesit for a professor of mine right before the big test, and she had done one of the nicest things anybody's ever done for me. I walked in the house lugging bags and boxes of books, and found that every room in the house was covered in dozens of star-shaped yellow sticky notes with silly little encouraging slogans on them. "It's Cheasty's world," one of them proclaimed. "Everybody else just lives in it!" On the kitchen window: "You can't stop Cheasty, you can only hope to contain her!" I opened the bathroom door, and saw "Cheasty is a winner!" and "Cheasty is a superstar!" on the mirror. She'd left me a bottle of wine, carefully labeled "Cheasty's Special Elixir." (Am I really so transparent?) Anyway, point is, it probably only took her 10 minutes to do it, but those silly sticky notes made me smile, and made me feel more confident, more capable, and more supported in my task than I had before. I'll never be able to thank her enough for that extra boost to help me through a really tough time.



Spread the love!

11 comments:

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

and this is why i love you, right here. spreading the love. it's what you do. on this day, i want to wish you the happiest of birthdays and tell you that, while i thoroughly enjoy our virtual friendship, i do wish that we knew each other in person. you ARE fierce and you ARE a superstar.

Happy Birthday, Amazing Cheastypants!

Renny said...

Happy Birthday Cheastypants! You are by far my best friend in Austin, even when you are not actually in Austin. You inspire me when I'm feeling dull, entertain me when I'm drooping, and keep me grounded in reality when I get carried away with school or boy nonsense. You make the best lasagna this side of the Atlantic, and our egg-thing concoction will always be a staple of my culinary repertoire.

Here's one of my favorite Cheastypants memories: A month or so into our wonderful life together, we were sitting at some coffee shop, studying, (JPs maybe? or that random Lost Sock laundry/coffee shop?). You said: "Penata, I know what you are doing tomorrow night." I replied: "Really Cheastypants? What is that?" With a glimmer in your eye, you informed me that we were going to see the sexiest man in the history of the world (and as historians, we should know), Dale Watson, perform at the Broken Spoke! The next evening, you introduced me to the wonders of two-stepping. My life will never be the same. Nor will the Griffin's, whom I believe we met that night. Sometimes I still see him at the Broken Spoke, scanning the crowd for his long-lost Cheastypants.


Ah, sweet memories. Can't wait to see you in 11 days! Have an awesome birthday, and drink some Flor de CaƱa for me!

Lizzie said...

I randomly thought of your wonderful blog today and decided to check in for the first time since summer...what luck the stars hold. Happy Birthday Cheastypants!!!

Kate said...

Happy birthday Cheastypants! I hope it is fantastalicious! (I am guessing this will be Webster's new entry in their dictionary next year, I hope I get credit.)

Jenna said...

Happy Birthday Cheasty! You ARE wonderful and fierce and kick-ass! :) One thing I'm thankful for about you is that you were so supportive and helpful and available when Lucas was born. We so so so much appreciated that you continued to stop by with dinners and treats for us long after everyone else thought we had a hang of the new-baby-thing. (We sure didn't!) Hope you take time away from the archives to celebrate in full Cheasty-style!

Stephanie said...

Happy Birthday to my dear, dear friend!!!!! Welcome to Team Old (again). Enjoy this thirty-one-derful year!!!!

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FELIZ
BIRTHDAY
CUMPLEANOS

Juandrea said...

Ms Miller

Oh how I love thee. I hope you are having the best birthday ever. Last year when coming home from a fabulous evening in which you and Penata taught Claudia Lisa and I how to two step, the three of us started talking about all the wonders of Cheasty. How you are funny and confident and brave and always know what to say, know something about everyday and seem to have tried everything worth trying at least once. At first, the comparison between your awesomeness and our lack there of made us a little sad. Then we decided not to be sad but to make you our role model. For the next few months, we talked to a bunch of people we would usually be too shy to talk to and did a bunch of things we would usually be too chicken to do because we decided that when we grew up we wanted to be you.
Love you Miller!!! Can’t wait for you to be home!!!! See you in San Antonio

naokoandjeff said...

Happy birthday Cheastypants!!

Your Former Enemy (and Naoko)

Cheasty said...

thank you everybody for such a wonderful bunch of birthday notes! i laughed, i became weepy, and i felt all warm and fuzzy, and i learned some things i did not know. y'all are wonderful, and i love you!

clergywm said...

My extraordinarily wonderful Amazing Cheastypants,
I remember the very 1st time i laid eyes on you. I fell madly in love with the incredible infant (that would be you) and it has only gotten better with each passing day, month , year - -
(31!?- - are you kidding me?!!!!!!!.How did that happen, after all, I haven't gotten a day older!) You are truly amazing!
With much love, hugs and kisses,
Captain Mommypants