You know, I've often spoken on this website about how fortunate I was to have been born with such an innate sense of glamor, such a powerful amount of glorious bouncy beautiful hair, and an inexplicable tendency to leave clouds of sparkly dust in the spaces I have moved through. And it's all true. I am the Jackie Kennedy of style, the arbiter of good taste, the summa cum laude of all that is trendy and fashionable.
The sad thing about this truth is how few people recognize it. Routinely they mock me! Disrespectfully they taunt me for believing in my superior fashion sense! Haughtily they laugh down their noses at my glorious wardrobe choices! Well mark my words, poppets, today marks the day in which these heedless ninnyhammers will rue their silly and reckless behavior. Today is the day they will discover the wonders of...
THE COONSKIN CAP.
I know, I know. Try to contain your enthusiasm. Superdad, in his infinite wisdom, gifted me with this precious headpiece for Christmas this year, and I am poised to revolutionize the fashion world. Sure, fur has long been a staple, but not since mink stoles have ACTUAL ANIMAL BODY PARTS been a part of anybody's clothing. Witness, the transformative aesthetic powers of the racoon's tail. What grace, what fluidity, what elegant drapage!
I am so gorgeous when I wear this hat. So gorgeous, in fact, that Fernando the Latin Lover wrote a song just for me.