Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Scary Movies

I'll just say it right out front: I am a complete and total clucking molting chicken when it comes to scary movies. So much so that I've rarely watched any all the way through. I saw The Sixth Sense and may or may not have almost peed myself and flipped the couch over when I tried to climb over the back because I got so scared. And The Sixth Sense wasn't even the scariest movie I've ever seen. No, that honor belongs to a movie called (da da daaaaa) The Watcher In the Woods.

When my sister Umulu and I were little kids (maybe 8 and 6, or 9 and 7 years old, something like that) we got invited to our next door neighbor's overnight slumber party birthday party. Oooh, thrills! It was an evening of high excitement - pizza! cake! ice cream! games! pop corn! MOVIES!! That night as we 15 little girls snuggled down in our sleeping bags, our friend's mom put on The Watcher in the Woods, and Umulu and I have borne the scars ever since. We completely wigged out. A watcher in the woods? Oh my God, WE HAVE WOOOOOOOODS!! Eventually our friend's mother called our mother to come and get us, cause we were evidently raising quite a ruckus in our panic, crying and shrieking.

For years, The Watcher in the Woods has been the high-water mark for both of us in sheer terror. In high school Umulu, in a bold show of bravado, managed to sit through a movie called The Children of the Corn, which I had heard on good authority was the scariest movie ever made. Afterward, she was telling me all about its horrors in somewhat gory detail, and I asked her. "Was it as scary as The Watcher in the Woods?" She paused and considered. "No, not even close," she assured me.

We also used Watcher as a litmus test for bad parenting. So-and-so has a horrible mom, we would hear. She beats her kids! Or what's-his-face leaves his kids home alone with piles of cocaine on the kitchen table. Yeah, we'd scoff. But answer me this: do they make their kids watch The Watcher in the Woods? Cause that's baaaaaaad.

Well guess what Umulu and I did this week. [Oh, God, I can't even say it. It's too, too horrible and scary for words!! Pull yourself together Cheasty - this attitude is completely unbecoming an adult. Oh, sniffle, hiccup, sob. Ok. I can do this.] We, um.... we, [gulp]... we rented... The Watcher in the Woods. Aaiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

To be fair, we'd googled it previously. Turns out, it's a Disney movie. And only rated PG! Ha, we'd marveled. Who knew?! I bet it's not really that scary, huh huh. So I Neflixed it, and this Monday Ums brought over a pizza and we popped it in the DVD player and cued it up. "Should I press play?" I asked. "Um, well..." Umulu replied. "Yeah," I said, and started to laugh. "I'm completely terrified to watch this." "Me too!" cried Umulu, and we gave in to a good fit of nervous giggles. Finally we agreed that if it got scary, we'd just turn it off. No use scaring ourselves silly, right?

You want to know how long we lasted? Eight minutes and 14 seconds.


Kate said...

I cannot believe you just wrote that! How very, very creepy. I had almost the same exact experience with a slumber party, popcorn and that dang movie (except the calling of the mom.) I still get creeped out when I think about that movie. I absolutely will not watch it again....ever.

Another movie that still scares me is In the Mouth of Madness. There were some images that have been burned into my brain. I watched it over at my boyfriend's house and made him follow me home and walk me into my house before he was allowed to leave. I was that freaked out. (Way to go lasting 8 minutes 14 guys are awesomely brave!)

Maybe we will watch something like Saw or Super Mutant Death Zombies later this month!

Alison in CO said...

I love the disclaimer at the end of the trailer: "... strongly recommends that parents pre-screen the picture for pre-teens. It is not for small children!"

Or for adults who have horrifying memories of this movie from their childhood.

Congrats on making it through as long as you did! I don't think I would have even rented the movie.

Bev said...

OMG, I was also scarred for life by WITW! Wow, we need to start a support group or something!

The good news is that I worked diligently and overcame my scary movie fears. In fact, in HS my girlfriends and I used to rent several horrid scary slasher flicks every weekend to desensitize ourselves to horror movies, and it totally worked!

Of course, now I don't watch them anymore because I just don't enjoy that tense feeling I get while watching. Hmmm... I seem to have come full-circle. Hence, I shall skip watching WITW as an adult!

Kate said...

When I was in middle school I convinced my father to rent "Hellbound: Hellraiser 2" for me and a friend because it was labeled as "Unrated." Yep. It was so horrific they couldn't even rate it.

BTW, I didn't even watch the trailer you posted. No nightmares for me tonight! :)

Cheasty said...

oh my god, i had no idea WITW had scarred an entire generation of young women. at long last, i don't feel so all alone in the world!

Lindsey said...

ME TOOOOOOO! I hated that frickin' Watcher in the Woods. EFF YOU NERAK!

And I had nightmares for weeks after seeing "Sixth Sense". Cheasty, seriously, I am president of the chickenshit club. You could not pay me enough money to see "The Exorcist". I'm not kidding.

Cheasty said...

LMAO at "eff you nerak!"

can I at least be the vice president? i'm a chickenshit too!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

i LOVE scary movies! while i have never heard of WITW until now, i do recall several slumber parties during the pre-teen era. but it was the real gory shit - nightmare on elm street (a young, hot johnny depp) and friday the 13th. for some reason, that shit never scared me.

the exorcist, however? fuckin' a. i will never get those images out of my head...

ooh, i just remembered another one of my favorites - When a Stranger Calls. Scream kinda copied that shit.

Lisa said...

Can I join The Chickenshit Club, too? I saw "The Exorcist" when I was 7 and ... there are no words. It scared the hell (har, har) out of me. In fact, I think I'm still shaking.

I refuse to watch horror movies to this day. That movie damaged me!

Samsmama said...

Hey! The chic from Icecastles!

Ok, I got more freaked out by the birds that busted threw the window. I think I'll pass on that one.

Cheasty said...

mofm - would expect no less than total badassery out of you, but i'm glad to see that the exorcist was too much. it makes you seem more chickeny, just like me!

lisa - yes. open enrollment. we are many and we are proud!

samsmama - tell me about it. they didn't even show the part where the little sister jumps out from the bed with a scary mask on. i shat myself.

jennybean79 said...

So funny! I remember this movie too, it seems a bit much for a Disney movie...ha ha!

In 2nd grade my teacher made us watch The Neverending Story. Now THAT scared the bejeezes out of me. To this day I fear that blasted Nothing's helper black wolf thing -YIKES!

rkintn said...

I totally dig scary movies! But not slasher flicks so much. The one that scarred me..The Texas Chainsaw Massacre! My then boyfriend took me to see it and then...wanted to go the effin' woods! I told him he didn't have enough Maddog 20/20 in his truck to make me hang out in the woods. I made him take me home LOL

Last Halloween, I rented it to watch with my 17yo and I made a big damn deal about how scary it was...turns out we laughed through the whole thing. I felt like such a dipshit LOL

BTW I could only watch 22 seconds of that trailer. Cause it's dark outside. I'm the only one home. And I live in town but there is a small patch of woods RIGHT BEHIND MY HOUSE! and I have no curtains on my kitchen windows that look out that way!

Does anyone want to come over? My house is the one with ALL the lights on LOL

Cheasty said...

jennybean, i am not one to mock, but the neverending story? was that movie supposed to be scary? :)

rkintn, you are braver than i am. how in the world did you manage to laugh your way through it? i take my hat off to you.

rkintn said...

I guess because compared to the movies today, the whole thing was really, really cheesy! I can't say that about all the older scary movies. Like The Exorcist. I can't even watch trailers for that one without having to sleep with the lights on!

Kate said...

Did any of you see Exorcist 3? That nurse with the huge head chopping off thing? Every once in a while I get a flash of one particular scene and almost pee myself.

Cheasty said...

rkintn, this WITW was pretty cheesy, too. in fact, umulu and i were laughing our asses off until the very second we got scared to death. we fell for it like the chickenshits we are!

kate - you never fail to amaze me. you've watched not only The Exorcist, but also EXORCIST THREE? wow, mamacita. i cannot compete.