Um, excuse me, please. Did any of you people out there know that dogs are ungodly expensive creatures to maintain? Well? Did you?
Oh, dear, hold on, I think I need to put my head between my knees for a moment. I feel faint. (pant, pant, pant.) ONE HUNDRED FORTY FIVE DOLLARS AND NINTEY THREE FREAKIN' CENTS. Oh, my god.
ONEHUNDREDFORTYFIVEDOLLARSANDNINTEYTHREECENTS!!!! Seventeen dollars EACH for some stupid SHAMPOO and, if you can believe it, CREAM RINSE that is supposed to help with the incessant itchies, because not only is my unbearably cute little rescue mutt old, deaf, and toothless, apparently she also has a raging case of allergies. CREAM RINSE?! Seriously?
I just spent more on my new dog's ITCHY SKIN and AVERSION TO NORMAL DOG FOOD than I have on myself in... oh wait. Well, nevermind. There was that recent shopping trip and the very very excessively cute dresses, but still. I'M NOT A DOG.
I was literally on the verge of calling the whole thing quits as we walked to the check out. Fine, you know? Let her scratch. But then she looked at me like, "Sigh. I love you, Mom. Hold me?" and I was toast. I paid, we got in the car, she crawled up in my lap, and promptly fell fast asleep, exhausted by the vet-induced trauma. How can you say no to trust like that? I guess if it gets too expensive I can just stop... um... eating? Yeah, that's it! I'll quit eating. I've been wanting to lose five pounds anyway. Ooh, and then I can get a new dress as my reward! Oh, I like this plan already.