Monday, June 1, 2009

In Which the Honeymoon Is Over

Um, excuse me, please. Did any of you people out there know that dogs are ungodly expensive creatures to maintain? Well? Did you?


Oh, dear, hold on, I think I need to put my head between my knees for a moment. I feel faint. (pant, pant, pant.) ONE HUNDRED FORTY FIVE DOLLARS AND NINTEY THREE FREAKIN' CENTS. Oh, my god.

ONEHUNDREDFORTYFIVEDOLLARSANDNINTEYTHREECENTS!!!! Seventeen dollars EACH for some stupid SHAMPOO and, if you can believe it, CREAM RINSE that is supposed to help with the incessant itchies, because not only is my unbearably cute little rescue mutt old, deaf, and toothless, apparently she also has a raging case of allergies. CREAM RINSE?! Seriously?

I just spent more on my new dog's ITCHY SKIN and AVERSION TO NORMAL DOG FOOD than I have on myself in... oh wait. Well, nevermind. There was that recent shopping trip and the very very excessively cute dresses, but still. I'M NOT A DOG.

I was literally on the verge of calling the whole thing quits as we walked to the check out. Fine, you know? Let her scratch. But then she looked at me like, "Sigh. I love you, Mom. Hold me?" and I was toast. I paid, we got in the car, she crawled up in my lap, and promptly fell fast asleep, exhausted by the vet-induced trauma. How can you say no to trust like that? I guess if it gets too expensive I can just stop... um... eating? Yeah, that's it! I'll quit eating. I've been wanting to lose five pounds anyway. Ooh, and then I can get a new dress as my reward! Oh, I like this plan already.


Kate said...

One word....Benadryl! Works great for dogs.

Mary said...

We have a lab that used to scrathc incessently.
Turns out he's allergic to grass? WTF!?! So I brought home this prescription allergy husband took one listen and said, 'yeah- benedryl is what he'll get next time.'
works like a charm :)

Cheasty said...

benadryl. check. thank you so much!!

Bev said...

ha!!! You crack me up!!

I know what you mean. My dog is one pricey dude, and he's mostly worth it... except for his raging flatulance and perpetual shedding. Other than that, he's totally worth the money we spend on his special food, steroid pills, and vet bills. Totally.

Jenna said...

oh my gosh- a wet Birdie is cuter than a wet cat! I HAVE to come meet her! :)

Kate said...

I just had to come back and look at that picture again. She is so stinking cute!

Cheasty said...

oh bev, thank you for reminding me of the one thing that is AWESOME about Birdie - no shedding!

jenna - PLEASE come meet her. Lucas loved her to death. when he was crying she laid down next to him and he put his hand on her soft fur and that's what calmed him down.

kate - you're the greatest. maybe i'll bring her to dallas in july!

Frank Irwin said...

I'd post a comment here about how now you know how men feel when we start dating a woman, but I'm a bit outnumbered here.

However, getting beat up (and spanked!) by a roomful of women doesn't sound so bad.

Cute Birdie, BTW.

jessica o said...

I want Birdie. She is precious. Poor little mutt.

Great post, too! Short and funny, that's how I like em. Shut up, Frank.

Cheasty said...

oh frank. sigh. i'm hitting the road tomorrow on my stormtrooper of love and speed and fun riding. i'll keep my eyes peeled for a happy man being spanked by a roomful of women. :)

jessica o - NO. you can not have her, but next time she's not feeling so well i'll send her to you for a protracted visit. you wouldn't mind sending her to the vet, would you? :)

Mala said...

OMG!!!! Look at that face! How could you say No?!

Anonymous said...

How about over $5,000 shelled out for surgery because one of your neighbors ran over your dog and broke his pelvis in 7 places. (He's just a little pug). He's bionic now with a steel plate in his hip. It's amazing what we will spend on our pets.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

hahaha, i love how you're all, "ANSWER ME!" it's like trying to explain to expectant parents just how fucking difficult parenthood is. doesn't matter what we say, soon-to-be parents are always all, "yeh yeh, uh-huh, riiiiight."


anyway, it really is amazing the amount of $$$ we spend on our pets to keep them happy and, in some cases, ALIVE. my poodle (the one eyed wonder dog) was run over by a neighbor's car and, thankfully only lost his eye. that put us back thousands of $$$ - can't imagine if he also had broken bones in the process.

p.s., sorry my comments are SO FREAKING LONG THESE DAYS. it's because i haven't been posting shit on my own blog, so i come over here and have the diarrheas of the mouths. please excuse my behavior. thx.

Cheasty said...

mala - tell me about it, lady. i was completely cooked from the minute i met her!

courtney - oh my god. i can't even imagine. i'm so glad bionic dog is okay now!

mofm - diarrhea away, my dear. that's what the comments are for! your poodle is awesome, one eyed and all. money well worth spending to fix him up.

Kevin said...

Won't Benadryl make it sleepy? It does that to me...

I think it would be funny to get a nasal spray for a dog.

Renny said...

Awww, I love the full size photo of wet Birdie even more!! It doesn't get any cuter than that!

Samsmama said...

That's a dog?

I'm kidding. I saw the previous post...super cute! I had a dog once. *sigh*