Thursday, March 13, 2008

How To Tell When It's A Date

Has anybody else ever had this problem? I think I've been asked out on a date, but I'm not 100% sure. Reasonably sure, but only as a byproduct of some fairly intensive detective work. But perhaps I'm overly suspicious, having been tricked into going on dates before by clever doses of misinformation and evasion. This is what happened once upon a time:

Once I got "asked out" by a guy I worked with. He was nice enough, but not that attractive, a poor conversationalist, superior to me in the workplace foodchain, and a CO-WORKER. Under normal circumstances, NEVER would I have gone out with this guy. But one day I ran into him in the hallway at around noonish. We chatted for a few moments, how ya doing, what's up, gosh this weather is crazy, blah blah blah, where are you off to, and I foolishly answered, "Oh, I'm going to get lunch." Then he said, "Hey, do you want to grab lunch together?" Not really, I thought, but how awkward.
"Um, ok, sure," I said.
"Great!" he enthused. "When are you free?"
"Um, I'm going right now. Like I just said."
"Ohhhh, well, it's just that I can't get lunch now," he said, glancing at his watch. "So can we do it another day?"
I stammered for a moment about how I wasn't sure, and awfully busy, and sheesh, will you look at the time...
"Oh, come on, it'll be my treat. You already said yes -- you can't bait and switch!"

"Hey you two, what's up?" Another co-worker enters the scene.

"Oh nothing," said my wannabe date. "Cheasty's just trying to avoid going to lunch with me." The co-worker looked vaguely uncomfortable, and who can blame him. He sort of chuckled, and said, "No, Cheasty'd never do something like that!" AAAAWWKKKWWWAAARRRDDDD.
I don't remember what I said next, but I'm certain that it involved burbling. There was now officially NO way of getting out of this with any modicum of grace. I'd been bamboozled. And worse, it ended up being that we actually couldn't do lunch, and ended up agreeing to get beer on the weekend (kill me now. It was the longest beer of my life) and while we were at the bar, who walked up but our boss, SHE WHO CONTROLS THE PURSE STRINGS. She looked at me. She looked at him. She smiled as if to say, ohhh, I get it. How cute. "Hi, Cheasty. Hi, [Frank]."

Earth, are you listening? Swallow me now.

5 comments:

Alison said...

I hear you on that one! I had a similar situation once where I couldn't say no to going to out to eat with a guy. Still, he was much older than me and I thought, "Well, this could be just a friend thing..." He e-mailed and said "dinner or lunch?"

"LUNCH!" I replied hoping that he'd get some of the hint. But the minute I walked into the restaurant I thought, "Oh shit! I've just walked into a date." I didn't enjoy any of the food because I was so mad at myself.

carymc said...

Ugh. Thanks for reminding me why I don't miss dating. All that awkwardness.

H-SPO said...

did you kiss him?

colie said...

if you make out, it's a date. so far that is my only criterion.

Cheasty said...

ick. kissing? thank you, but no. i just got my cootie shot. my criteria are plentiful. mostly i count it as a date if he gives me a diamond on our first excursion, an exotic island getaway as our first vacation, and a ferrari for my birthday. and every day is my birthday. but sometimes I'll settle for a good story, a bottle of wine, and butterflies in my stomach. that's a date, too.