One year ago today, I posted about my little sister Crasey's birthday, so I won't re-hash all the wonderful things I had to say about her right now. If you click on that highlighted text, you can read it for the first time all over again. Happy birthday, Crasey!!! Let me sum up by saying that I luuuuuurve her madly, deeply, and occasionally inexplicably. Also, she is in Australia right now, for which I am about to never forgive her. Apparently SOMEBODY never got the memo about travel in the AmazingPants family. Just for you, Crase, let me sum it all up for you.
Item One: Nobody but ME is allowed to travel.
Item Two: All other members of the AmazingPants family are to remain at home, preferably seated at the kitchen table, waiting for me to come home.
Item Three: If travel must happen, it is to be for periods of time up to, but no longer than, 3 weeks.
Crasey, I hate to tell you this, but you're breaking ALL THREE clauses of the AmazingPants Travel Memo. What are you thinking, disappearing Down Under for a YEAR?! Are you absolutely CRAZY? How am I going to see you when I go home for a visit? How am I going to call you on your cell phone 15 times in a row until you finally answer? Who else will go drunk skinny-dipping with me? WHO?
And now it's your BIRTHDAY, you dumbass, and I can't even call you to yodel the birthday song in your ear, and even though I am usually off-key and a little too loud, I know you love it. And you know what's even WORSE? It's only your-birthday-to-me and your-birthday-to-you for a measly EIGHT HOURS!! Stupid 14 hour time difference, or however much it is.
Here, let me help you out. See, I worked in Sydney, too, and I can sum it all up for you. The Rocks are cool, the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge are prettier from far away than they are up close, the Botanical Gardens are sweet, the bars along Oxford Street rock, Australians are nice, and Aussie Rules Football is one of the coolest sports I've ever watched anybody play. Also, I like Manly Beach better than Bondi, but the cliff walk from Bondi to that town just south is wonderful. So fine, stick around for a few weeks. Meet some people, soak up the sights, and then just come home, ok? Please? Hello?
Oh, fine. Stay. Who cares anyway. Jeez, what's the point of being the big sister if you can't boss anybody around? Am I nothing more than a Crash Test Dummy, sent from God to break in our parents and get wrinkles and gray hair before any of the rest of my siblings? This is so not fair.