The other day a friend mentioned how young i looked for 30. Young, except for a few little "character lines" about the eyes.
"Character lines?" I asked. "You've got it all wrong, babe. Those are vents. Vents through which my scorching hot sexiness can escape to dazzle those around me. Other vents might appear around the nose, mouth, and forehead, but the eye vents are particularly powerful. This is apparent when you study bonified sex bombs like myself, who have prematurely deep eye vents." (see image above)
I could see how dubious this certain somebody was. "How can you prove this?" her demeanor seemed to ask.
I thought to head her off at the pass.
"The power of the sexy eye vent is clear," I extemporized, "as evidenced by the masterful way hot sexy women like myself can use the sexy eye vents to send out seductive vibes to hot and virile men. Or women. It works both ways, I suppose. Generally speaking, the more you use the vents, the more sexiness escapes through these microfissures. Over time, naturally, the sexiest women develop the deepest vent lines due to repetitive use."
In the end, I could see I'd convinced her by my masterful deployment of this proven true scientific fact. As she walked away, I could see her squinting at the really cute coffee shop barista. Way to go, girl. Exercise those sexy eye vents. Grrrr.