Travel Divas, Part III (sort of)

Hello there, world, it's Cheastypants again. I know Umulu and I were supposed to author the last installation of our Travel Divas story together and post it on Sunday, but circumstances beyond our control intervened. And by "circumstances beyond our control," of course, I mean copious amounts of rum and a gathering of affable folk. Much merriment ensued, and we did not write our Travel Divas Travelogue on Saturday night. Sunday morning Ums was on a plane back to Texas, which leaves the onerous task to me, your regularly-scheduled raconteur. Hope you aren't too disappointed.

So where did we leave off? Wednesday night, was it? Thankfully, there isn't that much left to tell. On Thursday morning we bid a misty-eyed farewell to León and the Hotel La Perla, our new favorite place in the world, and made tracks for Granada, stopping en route to pick up our friend Mariana de la Noche from the airport in Managua. Mariana and Umulu are, like, BFF back from their wild-and-wolly college days, while she and I have formed a more recent friendship based on common interests and living in Central America.

Granada is widely touted as the most beautiful colonial city in Nicaragua; the Lonely Planet (whose dubious merits I've already discussed in an earlier post) describes the city as "Nicaragua at its most photogenic," but personally, I think they're dead wrong. I mean, sure, the buildings have been freshly painted, but add to that the super-touristy atmosphere and aggressive begging culture, and just give me León any day. I mean, who wants to sit at a sidewalk cafe while children come up and press their bellies to your table, asking you to give them your lunch and a couple dollars? Oh, and massive Diva Points to Umulu. As we were getting ready to eat our lunch, this seriously unhinged homeless guy walking up the sidewalk reached over, grabbed the chicken off the top of her salad, and then ran off to a safe distance where he waved it in the air and laughed at us (wha-ha-haha! I got your chicken, bitches!) while alternately shoving it in his mouth and then spitting it out again to wave it at us. Ugh. Justifiably, Ums was a little put off her meal, but she gamely "ate around it" and didn't insist that we leave immediately and check into a Four Seasons. Way to go, little sis! We spent an afternoon wandering around from coffee to snacks to dinner, but when all was said and done, we were kind of anxious to be on our way the next day.

Wanna know where we were going? You're going to be shocked when I tell you. No really, you'd better sit down for this, cause you're not going to believe it. Ok, ready? We went..... to the Laguna de Apoyo!!! I know, I know. What a surprising move. This was what, my fourth visit? Well, sue me. I love it. In fact, I luuuuuurve it. I also luuuurve the place we stayed at, a small hotel on the lakefront called The Crater's Edge. All you travelers out there? Adjust your itinerary and make a stop here. So here our story really stops, because while lazing around in hammocks, lying on the floating dock, swimming in crystal clear blue-green water, eating delicious food and relaxing in the sun are all very very eminently wonderful things to do, let's face it. It makes for a boring story. As a highlight, I might point out with pride that Umulu has finally come over to the Dark Side and started using sunscreen. As a result, for perhaps the first time in her life, she went home with a tan, and not a sunburn. Hooray! Proof that you really do get smarter as you get older. Not that she's old. I'm just saying, you know? And that's really it, folks. Planes were caught, rental cars returned, and real life has returned.

I'm still trying to get the Laziest Librarian In the World to finish making the photocopies I ordered two months ago, I've got one heck of a job in front of me trying to organize my oral history project that I'll be doing in January and February, and to make it all better, I've been struck down by some stomach virus today, which is complicating things, given my limited time frame. Ugh. But, never fear, my Amazing Spirit and Bouncy Hair will prevail and all shall end well. Now if only I could get my neighbor to take Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses" off repeat play... Seventeen days till Austin!