You know what I hate? Robbers. Robbers are what I hate. I walked out of my house this morning, over to my car, and guess what: robbers. Hooray!
Some assface opened my car (either I left it unlocked or they jimmied the locks) during the night, went through my stuff, and took off with my favorite cycling sunglasses and a duffel bag in which I had 5 pairs of my favorite shoes. Well, four and a half, really, cause I found one of the shoes out by the passenger side door. Mother fucker. BOTH pairs of my favorite red shoes: the flats, which are just unbelievably cute, and the wedges, which are just about the only high heeled shoe I can wear without getting insta-bunions or broken toes.
I can only hope that the thief was a diminutive crackhead who is, as I type, mincing about his dirty house wearing nothing but my black stilettos and a French maid's apron. And his Mom's about to walk through the door.