You know what I hate? Robbers. Robbers are what I hate. I walked out of my house this morning, over to my car, and guess what: robbers. Hooray!
Some assface opened my car (either I left it unlocked or they jimmied the locks) during the night, went through my stuff, and took off with my favorite cycling sunglasses and a duffel bag in which I had 5 pairs of my favorite shoes. Well, four and a half, really, cause I found one of the shoes out by the passenger side door. Mother fucker. BOTH pairs of my favorite red shoes: the flats, which are just unbelievably cute, and the wedges, which are just about the only high heeled shoe I can wear without getting insta-bunions or broken toes.
I can only hope that the thief was a diminutive crackhead who is, as I type, mincing about his dirty house wearing nothing but my black stilettos and a French maid's apron. And his Mom's about to walk through the door.
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2 comments:
That shoenapper needs to get his butt stomped by some size 16 steel toed boots!
Or we can hope that he didn't take the time to look and thought the duffel bag was full of money. Nasty little surprise for him when he opened it. And then he'll throw them into an alley and Lefty will find them and return them to you.
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