Thursday, October 23, 2008

Oh, Just Hit Me Already, OK?

Today a street lady chased me down the street with a big rock and almost bashed my head in. Really? Did I just type that? Did that actually happen? Yes. I was just walking down the sidewalk on my way to the radio station where I had an interview scheduled, and I saw this lady sitting with her back to the wall. Clearly homeless, clearly a little crazy. As I walked past her, she looked right at me with this sort of odd look, and then picked up a rock about the size of a cantaloupe melon. She got up and started walking after me, bearing down on me from behind. I was watching her out of the corner of my eye, but when she started getting too close, I turned and looked at her in the face. And she started running at me with the rock poised up high, so I started running away from her, and then she threw the rock at me. At my head! Luckily, she missed, but OH MY GOD. For real?

The weirdest part of the whole thing was how quiet it all was. I mean, she never said anything, didn't even grunt or squeal when she threw the rock. And I never said anything, nor did I make any noise, even when the rock whizzed past me and crashed to the sidewalk in front of me. I just kept running. About 50 feet further on I stopped and looked back, only to see that she was walking calmly away from me back to her little spot on the sidewalk. So on I went, just wondering what the fuck had just happened.

I mean seriously, Managua. If you want to rob me or hit me, let's just get it over with already, ok? The seƱora of the house I live in got robbed at gunpoint right in front of our house last month, on Monday of this week some guy got shot and killed just 20 feet from our front door. Today after crazy rock throwing lady, a guy came running across the street in my direction. He wasn't aiming for me, or doing anything bad, he was just dodging traffic and moving kind of fast, but I almost jumped out of my skin. Let me be absolutely clear: I DO NOT want to get robbed or shot or brained by a crazy lady. But there's such an air of inevitability to it, to the statistical probability that it will happen, and I'm SO SICK of just waiting for it to happen. Gah.


Jen said...

Whoa. Crazy lady. Glad she missed.

BsAs is experiencing a true crime wave right now. Break-ins (some during the day!), murders, robberies, pickpockets, fights, you name it. It's absolutely insane. I'm hoping that since I've already been mugged and pickpocketed that I'm safe until I leave. I sympathize with you, I really do.

PrincessPi said...

Dude. This is gonna give you so much street cred.

Alison in TX said...

Goodness gracious girl - I'm so glad your head didn't get bashed in! (As I imagine you and everyone else you know is also glad). I once got hit in the head with a hard crust of ant-covered bread by a homeless dude, but man nothing as terrifying as what you experienced. Fingers crossed that the stats don't come true for you and that you emerge unscathed (although I imagine you're already a tad unsettled) from your time in Nicaragua.

Anonymous said...

YIPE. I guess I have reason to complain about an old man stopping too far from the white line. Perspective, Lindsey, let's gain some.

Glad you're alive!

Renny said...

Wow, that's so scary! Thank goodness for all those hours of dodgeball in PE class! Maybe you should come home to the Tweed and share my/your room with me, ok?

Cheasty said...

jen - thanks for the sympathy. i know i've got no right complaining after all you've been through, but thanks for not laughing! ps. saw more pics of you and your long hair looks great!

princesspi - yes, there's always that. great dinner party stories. "hey, did i ever tell you about the time a street lady in Managua tried to brain me on the sidewalk?" it was about time I added to my repetoire!

alison - thanks, lady. and it's a good reminder that tough shit happens everywhere, so suck it up. thanks for the postcard, it really cheered me up!

Lindsey - we've all got our boundaries, and they change on a daily basis depending mostly on hunger and general grumpiness. don't sweat it!

renny - no kidding. i'm an expert dodger. one might even call me an Artful Dodger, were one feeling particularly Dickensian! :) The Tweed will be a welcome change of pace.

Evan Ross said...

Hey Cheasty- I'm glad you're ok. I lived in San Francisco on Capp Street. It was gang territory, but also S.F. hipster. Nothing ever bad happened to me. Gang on gang stuff. But I did tell myself from the get go, if someone gets killed on my block, I'm out of here. One day after breakfast a kid got shot in the skull while rolling by in his car. He crashed into the light post outside my house. I compressed his head and told him to keep calm until the ambulance came. He died that night. I moved out the next week. Stay safe. I imagine you can wacked anywhere. Still, some places are safer than others.

Kate said...

Glad you are o.k. Nothing like a crazy old lady wielding rocks to get that heart rate going. Think of it as an extra cardio workout!

It reminds of my days as a mental health social worker. Like the time a suicidal client left a razor blade in my car. (She wasn't going to use it on me, mind you.) Or the time that a psychotic patient chased me with a knife. (I quickly went to probate court and had her committed to the hospital.) Good times, I tell you, good times.

Stay safe, avoid old ladies, and maybe wear a helmet in public!

clergywm said...

My dear daughter,
Never let it be said that I fail to respond in character - - - - GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!!!!!!!!!!! You want to deal with a crazy lady, you have me - - never mind some rock throwing wack job!
I thought you told me that you lived in a SAFE neighborhood! Perhaps you might take this opportunity to define "safe"
Seriously, perhaps it's time to move, or hire a body guard 24/7! Call me silly, but I kind of like you safe and sound and in one piece!
Love, hugs and kisses,