Well I hardly know how to describe what just happened, or how I feel about it. I am definitely mystified, perhaps a bit muddled, and more than a smidge delighted. You see, this is just so strange. I have been 5'1 and 3/8" since I was twelve. How tall are you, Cheasty, you ask? Five foot one and three eighths of an inch, I respond. That has been my answer for nearly 20 years now, an answer I confirm at my yearly doctors appointments when they make me measure myself AGAIN. I mean honestly, I think to myself on those occasions. If I've been five foot one and three eighths of an inch for 16, 17, 18, and now 19 years, do we really need to go through this process again?
Well it turns out YES. Yes we do. You want to know why? OK I'll tell you, but hang on to your hat because you are not going to believe this. I went this morning for a yearly exam and we did the whole rigamarole. Get on the scale, take my blood pressure, take my temperature, and stand under the measuring stick. THE SAME MEASURING STICK I ALWAYS STAND UNDER, I might add. And just for shits and giggles, when I stepped away from the measuring stick I looked back just to see if anything had changed. I almost fell flat on my face because guess what. No, come on, really, just guess.
I GREW!! Wa-HOOOOOOOO!! I have de-shrimped myself! How could this have happened?! Did all that time I spent near the equator somehow have a bizarre impact on the gravitational force attaching my bones to one another? Is Nicaraguan rum really a top secret growth elixir? Perhaps the Apocalypse is nearing? Oh, this is just fascinating and wonderful, and TOTALLY explains why I've been feeling so fiendishly tall next to Penata lately, when she's the same height as me, OR SO I THOUGHT. Ha ha, Penata. Now I am taller!
As much as I'd love to tell you all how much I grew and HOW FREAKING TALL I AM NOW, I think we shall make this a contest. A cupcake to the person who gets the closest to guessing my true new height in the comments!
Yours in alluring and glamorous tallness,