Thursday, April 16, 2009

It's A Miracle, That's What It Is

Well I hardly know how to describe what just happened, or how I feel about it. I am definitely mystified, perhaps a bit muddled, and more than a smidge delighted. You see, this is just so strange. I have been 5'1 and 3/8" since I was twelve. How tall are you, Cheasty, you ask? Five foot one and three eighths of an inch, I respond. That has been my answer for nearly 20 years now, an answer I confirm at my yearly doctors appointments when they make me measure myself AGAIN. I mean honestly, I think to myself on those occasions. If I've been five foot one and three eighths of an inch for 16, 17, 18, and now 19 years, do we really need to go through this process again?

Well it turns out YES. Yes we do. You want to know why? OK I'll tell you, but hang on to your hat because you are not going to believe this. I went this morning for a yearly exam and we did the whole rigamarole. Get on the scale, take my blood pressure, take my temperature, and stand under the measuring stick. THE SAME MEASURING STICK I ALWAYS STAND UNDER, I might add. And just for shits and giggles, when I stepped away from the measuring stick I looked back just to see if anything had changed. I almost fell flat on my face because guess what. No, come on, really, just guess.

I grew.

I GREW!! Wa-HOOOOOOOO!! I have de-shrimped myself! How could this have happened?! Did all that time I spent near the equator somehow have a bizarre impact on the gravitational force attaching my bones to one another? Is Nicaraguan rum really a top secret growth elixir? Perhaps the Apocalypse is nearing? Oh, this is just fascinating and wonderful, and TOTALLY explains why I've been feeling so fiendishly tall next to Penata lately, when she's the same height as me, OR SO I THOUGHT. Ha ha, Penata. Now I am taller!

As much as I'd love to tell you all how much I grew and HOW FREAKING TALL I AM NOW, I think we shall make this a contest. A cupcake to the person who gets the closest to guessing my true new height in the comments!

Yours in alluring and glamorous tallness,
Amazing Cheastypants


Frank Irwin said...

5' 1 7/16"

Renny said...

I think you owe me a consolation cupcake, for leaving my shrimpiness behind in the dust.

5' 1 and 3/5 "

Kate said...

You have got to be kidding me! For years I have been 5' 1.5" (that .5 is so very important.) Last freaking week I had an exam for our life insurance and he said that I was 5' 2.5". A whole damn inch.

That's just weird that we have had the same experience at just about the same time.

I am going to go with 5' 2 and 3/8" If I can stretch an entire inch, that you can too Cheastypants!

Frank Irwin said...

I think that Kate may be onto something. With Global Warming, comes Global Heightening. With the warmer air, the air is less dense, and so gravity has less effect on our bodies, and the tend to stretch upward.

That may eventually prove to be a bane to plastic surgeons and ED pharmas, as well...

Cheasty said...

Frank - while I appreciate your attention to mili-measurements, you are not the winner of the cupcake, though i encourage you to try again. your consolation prize may be a nobel award for your discovery of the imminent threat of global heightening. i am most impressed with your scholarship, sir. :)

renny - no way. consolation cupcakes went the way of the poodle skirt. tall = power, lady, and don't you forget it. next time you want a cupcake you'll have to beg me. mwa-hahahahahaha!

kate - further proof that we are psychically linked. i congratulate you on your extra inch, and bemoan the fact that i did not match your immense growth achievement.

blog - friday afternoon i will post my REAL TRUE NEW HEIGHT, so get those guesses in if you want a chance to win a cupcake!

Kevin said...

I'm glad my blog has another reader, but even more glad that Renny is once again the shortest person she knows.

Renny said...

Damn you both, Kevin and Cheasty! I don't need your cupcakes!!

5' 2"?

Cheasty said...

KEVIN?! oh heavens, this is a red letter day. let us join forces in mocking renny until we collapse from exhaustion. woo-hooo!!!

all right, i'm updating now with MY TRUE NEW HEIGHT.

Anonymous said...

5' 2.5" (just to beat Renny's guess)
Right? Right? Am I right???

The elf palace has not only made you feel taller but it actually has MADE you taller. You should have seen Maxi before she lived there. Dwarf.