I clicked save on my last paper at 9:15 tonight, and ran out the door to go proctor the final exam for the class I TA. When I got there my professor, who might be the sweetest most understanding and kindest woman in the world, looked at me and said (kind of cautiously, like you would to a crazy person), "So, how's it going?"
I looked at her blankly for a second and then, for the first time, I said these words: "I'm done."
"That's great!" she exclaimed. I don't know why, but I just didn't have it in me to smile or look happy or ANYTHING NORMAL, and I'm pretty sure I was just staring at her like a tripped out zombie, so she filled the awkward silence, saying, "Well, Cheasty, you look a little shell-shocked."
And I started to cry.
Honestly, I have no explanation, other than tremendous stress-relief. These past two weeks have been hell. I can hardly sleep, and when I do I have nightmarish anxiety dreams like I've never had before in my life. And I, who love good food more than anything, have been so stressed that I CAN'T EAT. The thought of food makes me want to yawp all over the place, and I've got this constant pain at the top of my tummy. I've lost 6 pounds, though which is nice, if I don't mind putting it right back on as soon as I start eating again. Six pounds in two weeks. I should market this stuff.
So there I sat, crying helplessly and feeling like, COULD this be any more inappropriate? I should be laughing, dancing, leaping from rooftops! And in my head I know all about weird stress reactions, but jeez.
Well, there you have it. Tomorrow and Monday I'll grade exams all day, but Tuesday and Wednesday I am devoting to sloth and indolence. And wine. Don't forget the wine. Of course, Thursday it starts all over again, as I prepare for my Oral Defense on May 23rd, but somehow I feel ok, like I've crossed the major hurdle, and from here on out, I'll be fine.
Tonight, however, I will open a bottle of wine, drink two glasses, and sleep like a baby. You know why? Cause I'm done.
La, la, la, la, LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!