When Umulu and I were really little, our Dad took us to see Bambi at the movie theater. I know what you're thinking: Isn't that a lovely little Father/daughter outing! No. It was not. It was so horrible that we both need therapy. Well, you think, it must be because Bambi's mother dies. Nope. Surprisingly enough, Ums and I took that piece of bad news right in stride. You know what cooked it for us? The previews. Keep in mind that we were extremely sheltered. Mom wouldn't let us watch anything that didn't involve hugging, learning, magic books, cute ponies, squeezable rainbow-colored bears, Bert, Ernie, Bill Cosby, or Mr. Rogers. Transformers? Nope. He-Man? Don't even joke. Thundercats? Jeez, that looked scary.
Then, after 5 or 6 years of carefully monitoring every image that entered our tender minds, we sat down in the movie theater and watched The Incredible Hulk, huge, menacing, scary looking, and GREEN, doing this very creepy 3-D thing that made it look like he was walking right down the aisle of the movie theater like he was COMING TO GET US. I remember it vividly -- there were continually reducing yellow and green concentric circles behind him, and the music was, in a word, terrifying. Kettle drums, I'm sure. I almost fainted. Umulu screamed, and Dad had to rush us out of the theater before we spontaneously combusted. It was another 10 or 11 years before Umulu would sit through previews in a movie theater (that's a 13 or 14 year old girl loitering in the hallway on account of the monsters that might jump out of the movie screen). That, my friends, is trauma.
So I'd like to share with you a little girl who is my personal hero. What will she do, her mother asks her, if a monster jumps out of the movie and approaches her? Well, she says, "I'll kick his ask!" Watch this video to see the most awesome kid in the world.