Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Amazing Cheastypants Presents: Cookie!!

Welcome to the newest edition of "Good Friends Save Cheasty's Ass As She Studies Ferociously For Comprehensive Exams!!!" A million thanks, and a very special tip of the hat to my sweet and funny Cookie for this hilarious tale of eavesdropping on awkward conversations. Brava, my dear, brava. You are a marvel, a pip, and an all-'round champion of chatter.

Coffee and Conversations

by Cookie McCookerson

Strangers' conversations fascinate me. I find each and every person undeniably interesting in some shape, form, or fashion. Perhaps this is because I developed expert listening skills as an introverted child, always listening in to adults' conversations. I learned to decipher what their mumblings meant.

As an outgoing adult, I still find myself listening to conversations. Some may call it "eavesdropping" but I like to think of it as my personal reality TV show that's commercial free. One evening last week in my neighborhood coffee shop I was diligently researching the interwebs when my ears pricked up as I heard this middle aged couple discuss details about buying a used car. This is ultimately where their conversation wound up.

Woman: This might sound really morbid... but I thought what if Mary dies tomorrow? [long pause] I mean I have nothing to wear.

Man: Yes, that is morbid.

Woman: I mean I have literally nothing to wear, the dress, the shoes. Nothing. I should go shopping soon.

Man: Just wait 'til after.

Woman: But it will take forever. I don't have anything!

A long pause ensues as the man thinks about it. He grabs her hand cradling it in his own.

Man: Ok, well just as long as you get something that's nice enough for me to take you out in.

Woman: Oh, ok. So maybe something navy instead of black?


Cheasty said...

So all I really want to know is, who's Mary? And also, do you think she'll go with a dress or a pantsuit?

Renata said...

Poor Mary, having her friends show up to her funeral in navy.

Excellent story, Cookie darling! Your tale reminded me of my experience at the bus stop this morning, where everyone there (there were approx 15 of us at that point) had to listen in while this really loud girl left a voicemail for her parents begging them to lend her a couple hundred dollars even though she knows she still hasn't paid them back for last month yatta yatta yatta. a) Is that something you should do in a voicemail? b) is that something you should do in public in your loudest conversation-level voice?

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

cookie, i love you! i, too am a huge fan of stranger's conversations. goes with my whole 'strangers are weird and smelly' theory. well, that and concerned about their state of dress at an acquaintance's imminent funeral...?


Cheasty said...

you are wise indeed, momf. cookie is the best that there ever was, and you are a genius for recognizing this. :)

Alison said...

I enjoyed walking into the women's bathroom today and overhearing someone in the stall next to mine saying into a cell phone, "Ok honey, well I just wanted to check in. I love you!" while I really had to pee...

Also, I can only hope that my friends & acquaintances someday have a conversation about what they'll wear to my funeral even if I'm fully planning on that event being a good 50-60 years from now. And seriously, navy?!

Anonymous said...

thanks all for you comments! i have to admit that listening in to inappropriate conversations is a slight guilty pleasure of mine... and yes, I have been guilty of talking about things that I shouldn't in the middle of heb... but then I realize it. doh!

Alison, for the record i would NEVER EVER wear navy to your funeral. Fuschia, maybe. But navy ick!

- Cookie

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who read the first sentence as "Strange conversations fascinate me?"

Guess it works either way...

Alison said...

Thank you Cookie! If you're going to stray from black, feel free to go all out with the fuschia (and you can quote this blog if need be) :-)