I stole this off another blog (hi, Sam!), so first off, I'd like to say thanks. These are actual English subtitles from movies made in Hong Kong, and this list is probably one of the funniest things I've read in a while.
To get the full effect, please please PLEASE say each one out loud. If you're at your desk, just whisper them under your breath. It's okay, your office mates already think you're crazy; how much harm could you really do? Prepare to die laughing.
1. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
2. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
3. A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
4. Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants.
5. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
6. Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
7. You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
8. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
9. I have been scared shitless too much lately.
10. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
11. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
12. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
13. This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.
14. Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your gynecologist for a thorough extermination.
15. Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.