Amazing Cheastypants Presents: Schwupna!!

The first in my new series of blogalicious backup.  A million thanks to my good friend Schwupna for submitting this contribution.

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and
finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they
called 'Yam.'  Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
 
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out  and getting half-baked so she wouldn't
get accidentally mashed, get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,'
and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
 
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack
and make a rotten potato out of her.  But on the other hand she wouldn't
stay home and become a Couch Potato either.  She would get plenty of
exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
 
When she went off to Europe , Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to
watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland , and the greasy guys
from France called the French Fries. When she went out west, they told
her to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
 
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and
wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the
other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that
say, 'Frito Lay.'
 
Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato
University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
 
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home
and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
 
Tom Brokaw!?
 
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.  They told Yam she
couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.......
 
Are you ready for this??
 
 
Are you sure??
 
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OK! Here it is!?
 
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A COMMONTATER